We can LOVE our way through this...

photo by Mark Wiener 11/11/11

My heart is breaking because so many good people, beautiful, creative, generous and loving people, are falling into expressions of negativity, hopelessness, and isolation. It is especially disheartening to see people dropping out of social media at a time when community is vital at every level..

You are connected to your highest source. You were sent here for a reason.

It was not to give in to despair.

"The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn." - quote from the Once and Future King by T.H. White, many thanks to Shannon Leslie for posting on Facebook in such a timely fashion.

Marianne Williamson, prophetically as we now know, reiterated at a talk on Election Night - “darkness is only the absence of light.”

There is light within everyone, but we don’t always know how to nurture it. It is the light that knows love, peace, and compassion. We are conditioned by society not to look there, not to listen to that inner voice. We all get lost at times, I have found that light over and over again in my life, it now manifests in many forms and it has been my salvation. Let me share these tools with you so that you may share them forward as you see best. There is no time like the present, and there has never been a present like NOW.

We are on this road together. Please contact me for intuitive guidance, beauartsltd@gmail.com, Namaste.

Selfullness

It was inevitable that the practices of inner focus essential to engaging in New Thought would experience some pushback. We were all trained to eschew “selfishness.” After all, isn’t making the world a better place about giving to others, not doing for yourself?

The first solution to this puzzle is of course, Love.

(c) Mark & Linda

Most of us at some point have experienced trying to relate, at some level and probably on both sides, to a person who lacked sufficient self-love. Sometimes there is the right chemistry so that we give each other not only the love we need to receive, but learn to love ourselves more -- I was blessed to experience this through Mark’s faith in me. We can outsource some of our healing in a good relationship if it is healthy for both parties.  Even with the best intentions to put love out into the universe, can that work if you need to fill the same hole every day before you can begin? You can’t give what you don’t have.

ABUNDANCE. It’s essential to believe and participate fully in accepting that the universe has plenty for all and sharing that with others. So much of what plagues humanity derives from the sense that there is “not enough,” and reactions motivated by misconceptions from greed to entitled-ness to poverty consciousness, to ensure there is enough for “me.” Whether you feel you can never have enough, or are literally starving, you cannot feed anyone else or feel truly happy.

True self-love is also a taking of RESPONSIBILITY - for one’s own feelings and actions. You are the only one who can truly make yourself happy, and by accepting this you release others from feeling responsible for your feelings and, maybe most important, you are not responsible for theirs. Healthy boundaries work for everyone, the need to control does not. Quick check on this, since we all do it: the next time you feel annoyed, think of that person you would really like to see change to make you feel better in the moment; breathe in the way you want to feel, and breathe out releasing that thought of the other person. It feels great as long as you don’t go back to the thought. This can be learned… practice!

PEACE is another gift of being one’s own source of abundant love. Move away from leftover feelings of guilt, anger and fear, and our inner life is peaceful. Coming from that, it is also what we get to share with others - if you are not afraid or angry, you have no reason to act out to trigger those feelings in others. Fear coming from within never protects us, it is static that keeps us from receiving what we need to know to stay safe!

GRATITUDE is also a gift….Comparison inevitably eats away at our love and respect for ourselves. We are no longer in grade school, the only real standard we can apply to ourselves is the one that comes from inner guidance. Stop looking at what is not is there -- yet -- and you can appreciate the miracle of what is! That place of gratitude is where real progress in life is born.

RECEIVE LOVE!  Early in my grief for Mark, I made the mistake of taking that path, throwing myself into working on everything we had done together as if I were 3 people, not one who really should have taken a break. A big part of me had fallen back to a child state where I was manipulated by alternating promises of acceptance and invitations to despise myself for not being enough - one such (unsolicited) statement,”You must have low self esteem! You don’t do anything to deserve any.” You can imagine how intimidating this was at the time, but  I was blessed with sufficient self-esteem and support outside the home to survive this and share it now.

But we are permeable at a deep level to even ideas we know are false, which is one reason I always beg people to shut out abusive voices no matter how much they think they have it covered. Something about bereavement made me, and likely others, a target for similar energies even as an adult, within months I was compelled to deal with base criminal behavior and other abuse from all sides, and unable to work due to severe adrenal fatigue and a lot of “red alerts” sounding in my psyche (my life was actually in danger on a couple of levels, including violent menacing, and I still tried to push through.) Finally, I realized I had to run and pick up the pieces later, which led me to reach out for healing, where I was guided to look back to and expand my spiritual practices and studies of the human heart and mind and rediscover my own worthiness -- and a new path.

This is extreme but we have all had experiences where we give our all in context of need to receive from others only to be met  for with demands for more (work, personal sacrifice) and  less money, time, support, affection -  in return. Withholding is a central dynamic of what psychologist Claude Steiner, in his writings on Transactional Analysis, refers to as the “Stroke Economy.” Using Eric Berne’s definition of a stroke as a unit of human recognition, Steiner points out unwritten “rules” by which we do not give others, or ourselves, the recognition we all need, may not ask for it, and only accept what we really do not want (ie, “You are such a hard worker.” from your boss when you want to hear, at least from yourself, “You’re a fucking genius and you know it!”) http://www.claudesteiner.com/economy.htm

This is a lot to think about. My shortcut - what I want to give to others, I make sure to give to MYSELF as well…then practice the Golden Rule and offer them what they really need.

The Donald, the Damage and the Do-Over

I think there is at least a little part in each of us that tries to agree with Trump.Why? Because it’s safer. No, not saying that he’s safe to have in office. Rather the opposite, that he is the sort of person we learned very early that it was dangerous to disagree with. The ultimate Pig Parent, if you will...

Johan Wahlstrom "Women Should Be Punished" http://johanwahlstrom.com/

For years I have tried to communicate the notion that what I will call the “vocal right” actually dupes and abuses the public by using a tone of voice and style of speaking that echoes a particular variety of child abuse to manipulate large numbers of voters into the service of the oligarchy against their own best interest. Most of us learned as kids to shuffle along with at least some of this idiocy because one refused at their own peril, so just give yourself credit for being here. And hopefully learning not to respond to the triggers once we remember we are safe now.

Finally, we have the proof  - Donald Trump’s debate performance was a perfect, validated example of how someone can say nothing of truth or substance -- with authority. Did anybody not say “WTF?” when he muttered the aside about a 400 pound hacker in bed?  Americans, you will not be struck dead for admitting to yourself, or saying out loud - “that’s insane.”

Let this be a wake-up call for voters and help all of us heal from the divisive and destructive behavior of theses wingnuts with 3-year-old minds in adult bodies. Imagine a giant toddler picking up the Earth to smash it to pieces… and take it away!

Rescue Me! Rescue YOU! Rescue MORE!

"Animal advocates share much in common with veterinarians who suffer from feelings of hopelessness and depression two to three times more often than most people. Their suicide rates are double those of doctors, and four to six times higher than the general population."

Referencing this article in the Boston Globe about the high suicide rate among veterinarians, the above posted by In Defense of Animals  stopped me in my tracks, first for a targeted "share for shares" on Facebook, then to share my thoughts here...

(c) City Critters Inc -- Earl Grey is adoptable, contact adoptions@citycritters.org

For several years I volunteered with City Critters Inc in NYC caring for rescues (mainly cats and kittens), counseling adopters and often handling intake requests - this last being the most difficult. I learned firsthand what those who accept this lifetime calling face on literally an hourly basis, often including life and death decisions and bullying from the "human" community. Several people I adored and would refer to as Earth Angels left this plane too soon.

It is hard to care for yourself under conditions where there is so much need and only so much of you. Even working 24/7 there will always be innocents your love cannot save, the need is just to great, the numbers loo large. This is where we all need to look at the bigger picture.

The first step, of course, is not to lose YOU! Burning out means you are able to accomplish less, not more - you can't achieve your highest if you are sick, tired, scared, beating yourself up, or simply not here. Once you learn to ground your activism in LOVE and carry on, you are also needed for step 2 -- more people are needed as fosterers, carers, adopters, donors etc. Using new tools it becomes a joy to invite others to join - we can do more for animals by reaching out to humans.

One of the lights of my life at the time was a young man who came to me with a photo of his cat and his beloved. She had passed away and he explained to me that the "cat hates me." I looked at the cute calico and sweet woman in the photo and I felt his grief just streaming. I KNEW he had to keep that cat, but did not think he could hear it in the moment. So I told him to send photos but hold onto her, if possible, until a space opened up. A couple of weeks and scant emails later, I received a photo - of him and now - HIS cat. I felt grateful and blessed.

You have to listen, without judgement, and act from the heart, it is so rewarding, And all you really have to lose is your harsh judgement of yourself.

IDA offers a monthly forum to support animal activists: http://www.anymeeting.com/PIID=EC51D88484473E

Veterinarians, so many of whom encounter the same stresses and collaborate with rescues, can also find support at:http://www.criticalcarevet.ca/wellness

I am also pleased to offer crisis coaching and recommendations of resources (such as davidji.com for meditation right now!) for rescuers on a pro-bono basis. Just knowing you do what you do makes my world a better place...

Namaste,

Linda

This post was going to be about synchronous firelies...

Took another turn today, back with that one soon! -- L

On coping...

photo (c) Kaitlin J. Martin

We humans use various devices to cope with stress. Often they are things we consume – caffeine, alcohol, sugar, tobacco, food in general...but it can be any behavior that changes the way we feel. Even something great for you like exercise, reading or meditation can help in the short term by boosting your ability to handle what is coming at you. Or become a problem if we do it over and over without resolution of the stress.

Misconceptions arise from the belief that if something disturbing is present or on the horizon, we can shut out the stress by shutting out the feelings we have now. In fact, once the stressor signs into our consciousness it needs to be released for the feelings to stop.

Openness is the ultimate coping. You accept the cause of the stress, observe it, diffuse it without a fight, and then release it -- the sooner the better. Your coping mechanism, whatever that happens to be, should increase your connectivity, not lower it.

We all have choices, that is one of the gifts we are given for a purpose. I am not going to be the one to say, “this is bad to do,” “that is good to do.” Or “this makes you a label and you have to go to a meeting.” Only you can know why you do what you're doing and how it works, but I hope the guidance above can begin to help you utilize the tools you choose in a healthier more productive way.

For example I am writing this under the influence of the caffeine I seek out in the morning, which I tell myself helps me from falling asleep during meditation and keeps me flowing faster when I am writing this now. I also often need a little help focusing.

However, if I say I need another cup of coffee because I'm listening to somebody and not paying attention and feeling sleepy and bored, I really need to deal with my lack of attention and appreciation and gratitude for this other person and listen. The coffee is just excusing an error on my part...editing this now, I resisted cup #3, which was really an excuse to procrastinate disguised as a beverage, and jumped in. No longer interested in more coffee!

Same with needing a drink because you had a bad day… release that energy first and enjoy your social time so much more because you are not re-hashing and making things even worse. You may recognize a law of attraction principle here too... beat the drum of what stresses you out and the universe can only deliver more of the same. Above all be good to yourself when faced with challenging circumstances! Compassion begins at home, when you give yourself space to heal, it heals those around you as well.

Namaste,

Linda

Want to work on this together? Contact me, beauartsltd@gmail.com

The Shame Blame Fame Game

If you got through childhood and adolescence without a shred of shattering self-doubt, you were likely raised by magical wolves until you were 18 and then accepted directly into Harvard. In my case, it was a level of abandonment followed by no adult putting into context bad behavior by family members, leaving me to assume guilt by association, but it can range from severe physical abuse, to dealing with addiction, to being gifted with the attribution "the not so smart one," ( "I can't do.") or for that matter "the smart one." ("I should do better.").

Now that we have the chance to grow up and out, forces around us try to hold us in that box for their own purposes. Bosses are happy to feed your feelings of inadequacy and pay you less, complainers love to bitch and moan and have company for their misery, "helpers" of all kinds like to help you identify with your negative emotions and bad habits to keep you in their loop. Which of course, drags down your energy even further. As long as we present these buttons to be pushed, we never stop blaming ourselves and believing there is no escape, no healing possible.

The advertising industry has manipulated insecurity and anxiety forever, watch a few commercials and you must conclude that you are smelly, too fat, not enjoying sex and living in a germy home - until you give their client too much money for what they have to offer, and Madison Avenue gets a big fat piece of the action. Even more insidious is a later development, caller "reality" programming.

Flip through the cable guide, if you dare. You will come across a veritable parade of frankly shameful behavior by people who were either somewhat famous for something else (and either broke or greedy or exhibitionists or about-to-be has-beens or why are they doing this?) or, worse, have become famous just for behaving scandalously in front of the camera. And the shows make them all rich which gets them even more media... all because people like you and me watch them.

Illustration by Mark Wiener (1951-2012)

I used to think this is a culture of envy but now I see it as something deeper. They are standing in for the shamed part of each of us, their shouting, bullying and foul mouths are a lullaby, "It's all ok, I am bad too and I am rich and famous! The only sin is not having money, and as long as you can afford cable, I will lull you into submission on your sofa every night."

But is that your highest choice when surrounded by worldwide rampant poverty, racism, sexism exploitation and violence to people and nature? Will Donald Trump make an OK President because he has money? Does all the shame belong with the victims of exploiters and criminals, refugees, and the sick?

Of course not! And it does not belong with you either. We are giving these people a great deal of our money and power without a bit of healing going on for us or anybody else! To my art colleagues, yes, there is a parallel to this in the rampant idolatry of "Art Stars" and their makers, all based on a numbers game, that too many real creators allow to distract them from what is important.

This election and other world events are your wake-up call to become the change, And here is the perfect opportunity to let your selfish inner child play, because the first step in course correction here is making it all about you!

Davidji posted a great piece yesterday about letting go that started me on this train of thought. Check out that and try a meditation, it's the first best way to get in touch with the magic you were born with, before all the conditioning --  the real you! It's a big leap, letting go of our attachments to part of our self-image, but it's so worth it...

Wouldn't it be great to get off the couch and really change the world? And maybe, after along day of being a hero, settle in and watch some quality television for a change...

[Author's Note: Happy Birthday in Spirit, Mark. You loved the media hoopla but always knew when to stop! xox, L]

For a trial intuitive reading contact me at beauartsltd@gmail.com! Namaste...