Accepting Our Gifts

This morning’s meditation brought a sense of deep peace to my heart.

I accepted it with the intention to return to that consciousness throughout the day, and that this same peace be received by all of humanity, that we might know our true nature, our true home that we all share.

With that wish sent winging on its way, I remembered all the times in my life when I did not experience or value serenity. Especially in my 30’s...My burned out ego and left brain were in the driver’s seat for long stretches on my quest for a meaningful life, telling me I was not rich enough, talented enough, pretty enough, young enough (even in my 20’s!), and when it got to be too much I blocked the growing despair with action and stuff. Any impulse to experience joy, mindfulness, or self-fulfillment was met with severe abuse from some inner voices that, thanks to my upbringing, I was deeply afraid to ignore.  

Interruptions were insistent - an illness that forced me to decline a job, the urge to take a different route the night a tiny, injured cat found me and came home, and, most of all, the moments when, while I was in my most distracted state, the world as I knew it would drop away, taking my breath, and leave me in a cool, blank mist wondering how and if what I called life was even possible.

The ego dispatched inner critics to say something was wrong with me. I had known since infancy there was something “more.” I never spoke of it - if I had, who knows what would have been done to “fix” me? The ego is spawned to protect our life, and sometimes it works in mysterious ways. At others, it needs to be acknowledged and asked to step aside, because it has the unwitting power to destroy us.

We all have those voices inside, they were acquired by our egos on the learning curve of life. We can choose to let them go now that we know better. There are always people on the outside ready to echo them the second they see us growing. But it’s your job to remember that obedience does no good and a great deal of harm, it is better to get distance from a person than damage yourself and the rest of the world.

Speaking of the world, the one we find ourselves in at the moment is enough to trigger anybody’s defensive impulses. But, “God is in the details.” On the subway tonight I randomly recalled someone who made wonderful cookies I loved when I was a little girl, then others who had shared abundance and beauty during my lifetime. Soon it became impossible to feel anything but gratitude, hope and love -- try it!

Namaste.

Chapter ∞

[Chapter Infinity]

Good morning! ( I hope you say this to the Universe every day!)

It’s a new day, a fresh start.

Well, admittedly most of us have a few loose ends that kept us awake until they slipped from our grip. And often, after the first clear flush of arising in the light, we feel compelled to pick them up and proceed to try to tie them up again…

Are we really?

So much of the structure of human activity is based on “finishing.” Deadlines and goals can be important milestones when publishing a book, constructing a building, getting a degree, eradicating world hunger…

But so often we apply this same logic to life itself, and it’s often the opposite of the nature of who we are. We say, “Once I have something, do this, or am with a certain person, it will be done.” What will, your life? Do you want to die the day you buy your new house, win that award, or get married?

Of course not, but we tend to look at things that way and either spend our lives waiting for completion or wondering what to do next (how many people get married and then screw it up by making their partner their next “project?”)

On a spiritual path, practice leads us to a clearing of mental debris that opens myriad new pathways on a daily basis. They do not lead to completion or closure, only more paths to explore. Where is happiness? All along the way, or nowhere at all.

Why go forward? Because we know we were all brought here for a purpose, to feel whole and to do good in the world. When we lose our way, we feel detached and alone.

The quest for concrete attainment has another downside -- comparison. We judge ourselves against others according to milestones in time, material acquisition, and social standing. Does being a Partner at 30 make anybody really happy? Does a more desirable spouse make for a happier life? Or a bigger house? Admit it, we all know people with these assets, and more, who are miserable, but we still feel a little “less” for not having it all. And that is a waste of the immeasurable gifts we do have!

I have for decades referred to Bokononism, a religion that exists only inside the narrative of Vonnegut’s gem of a novel, “Cat’s Cradle,” as having real resonance with how we live. One aspect that is now catching on is the concept of the Karass vs the Granfalloon (I just noticed typing this that these 3 words are in the dictionary, woo-hoo!)

A Karass is basically the subset of humanity with whom you were born to interact, a natural fraternity of spirit and synchronicity. A college fraternity, any club, political party, professional group, etc. would be deemed a Granfalloon, an artificial classification without true significance. (Perhaps why there is so much drinking generally involved...)

The message here is that we can settle for synthetic happiness within the prescribed activities of our Granfalloons, or we can set out to find our soul family, our Karass, with whom lies oneness with our destiny and true bliss.

Another feature of “Cat’s Cradle” is its unusual structure - 304 pages divided into 127 chapters. We tend to see our lives as a series of chapters, and perhaps we need to expand our possibilities in that area. We are infinite. The present moment contains the whole universe. Where will it take us, and where will we take it?

...Chapter ∞